2011
I lay delirious on my couch. It’s been a day and a half since I last ate. I haven’t been this sick in years. Maybe the grief has finally gotten to me.
Despite my pounding headache and blurred vision, boredom inspires me to watch a movie. I scroll briefly through the options and settle on a movie called “The Way” with Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez. It’s about ‘The Camino’, a pilgrimage in Europe I know nothing about, but the description makes it sound like I won’t have to think very hard. What could be simpler than walking?
I hit Play and the Universe plants its seed.
~
I watched “The Way” for the fifth time last week. Some people would call this an addiction. I call it research. This time, though, was my first time watching the version with the director’s commentary; Emilio Estevez, his father, Martin Sheen and the film’s producer speak with each other as the film plays, muted, on the screen. I was glad to have four previous viewings under my belt – I could almost recite the lines by memory as the three men explained their intentions behind each scene. Sheen divulges that the movie took six years to realize from its inception. It took them six years to get their story told. That sounds like a long time. I am already struggling with the idea that my book will take longer to write than the gestation period of a human being. While someone out there is using their next nine months to create a whole new person, I am getting through only a portion of the book-writing process. What have I gotten myself into?
When Sheen and Estevez are asked about their own experience walking the Camino they say “Pilgrimage is reconnecting on a human level”, “You have to carry your own burdens. All the things you’ve created – your judgements, your fears, your sins, your resentments, your joys. Take up your bag and start walking, but know that you cannot do it without community.“
The movie’s slogan flashes across the screen: ‘Life is too big to walk it alone’, and I am reminded that I am, in fact, still on pilgrimage. We all are. We always have been. And though the journey may be long, we are walking it together, and I am grateful.
The Writing of "Wide Open" - A Moving Experience on the Camino Portuguese to Santiago 
Les- like you, I’m awake in the middle of the night- and have just had the opportunity to read all 5 of your postings. You write beautifully. It is a joy and inspiration to read of your experience as it unfolds. (Notice the present tense:))
I first learned of the Camino when I started to study Spanish. I’ve had passing thoughts of doing it over the years, but have always held back for fear of being alone, and alone with my burdens. I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life now – and that choosing the Camino would be a path worth taking.
Thankyou.
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Oh my gosh, this makes my heart so happy! My first inclination is to say I want to go with you, but that is contrary to the whole point, isn’t it. Going alone reminded me that I am never really alone, and I will carry this feeling with me for the rest of my life. So please, yes – go. Go alone. And remember that though I will not be there, I will be walking with you. ♡
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Sounds like we watched The Way for the first time around the same time. I missed it in the theatre. Hadn’t reached the point where I could head out to a movie on my own. So I waited for it to make video on demand. Watched it thinking about The Dad the whole while. One of my favourite movies. He would have enjoyed it…
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I think he orchestrated the whole experience. 🙂
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Leslee, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about how long it is taking you to write your book since it is obviously a process. One cannot rush a process. Thanks to your blog,you are sharing that process to the benefit of many! I am enjoying being one of them. I eagerly look forward to your posts!
Ruthie Rubin
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